Rod Sterling created a Sci-fi TV show called the Twilight Zone popular in the early 1970’s and 1980’s this series spawned a Movie and a new series and depicted decisions and choices made in Human life with a sci-fi outcome.
Sci-fi (Science Fiction) became a morbid reality with drug addiction as cocaine was produced in its most dangerous and addictive form in the Early 80’s. Crack Cocaine changed lives in hours and destroyed lives in days shattering futures for eternity. A new form of Methamphetamine did the exact same thing in the later 1990’s and now through much of the 2000’s.
A woman can leave her two story farm house for her Advertising job in the city while driving her BMW down a busy highway and make a Choice and decision stop the car at a crack or meth house and in under six hours own absolutely nothing vanishing into a world so sick and evil City police cringe when its discussed. The woman will witness things that Rod Sterling could not yet even imagine. If the woman were to make new choices based on previous bad decisions she might at some point escape this nightmare and live long enough to successfully complete a 120 day in-patient program and never have to use again. But her live will never be the same, she will be permanently changed both mentally and physically.
A man making 50K a year with a wife and three children can make this same decision – Rod Sterling was never prejudice over men or woman, nor is the grip of Drug addiction! Whether straight or gay, male or female, young or old all can become lost to the powerful Science-Fiction life of drug addiction. There is no reality for many of us once we are lost in it.
There is just then and now, and now is all we fixate upon. On occasion while in search of a fix or bling we might reflect back but it’s always whipped out by there here and now as we scrape a pipe once more or lick a bag, search the carpet and wander aimlessly looking for a connect.
Baffling even more is what it was that made us drop everything and never use again – having the addiction and uncontrollable crave jerked out of us and our bodies thrown from that realm and world back to this one, the normal one. Many of the stories I have heard as well as my own are so Science fiction that it makes writers and Sci-fi authors twist their heads in disbelief and horror as well as utter amazement.
By decisions I have made both positive and negative and choices I made good and bad I walked to where I am now and while I may have to pay the consequence of a bad choice for life I am able to appreciate life as I know it today. For through all the wreckage and destruction, I am reborn and able to make new decisions and choices. Life is like this for everyone not just addicted and recovering. Life is a series of death’s and re-births as the body and mind grow and grow wiser. Unfortunately some of us die along the way and never get to see the dimension we who survived walked through – Of course we lost out on seeing theirs also. Maybe they are still walking beside us but that we made a different decision which placed us on separate roads. A parallel universe if you will.
So I have made some bad choices and will pay for them for life, I also made some good ones and have the ability to show these to others so they might not make the choice I made and live a life of sadness. I am a leader and a follower – If I cross a road full of busy traffic first I can go back and show others how to cross safely also. And as I journey forward I listen to people who have crossed other roads similar and survived.
We are leaders and followers in Recovery, in business and social environments and in life. We are being helped by those who have walked before us and we are helping those who are walking behind us and were all winners when we complete the race, each and every one of us with the help of all!
Could we have looked at God for all of this and saved the time and trouble? I don’t think so, I believe for us to find God we have to walk through the depths of hell only in doing so will we know who God is and what life is about.
Of course this is coming from someone who ran to help a friend in need came home and yelled at the dogs, took a few Tylenol PM’s flipped on a Russian Techno station playing progressive Trance and typed this while black mascara tears slid down cheeks as she reflected back to a life once lived that someone else has now chosen that’s close to her.
I can’t say what I really want to do right now because Social media sites have cracked down on those things so I will sit back in the dark and cry for this person while listening to the Trance and watching the ghosts in my head dance away!
I know we all loose things in recovery sometimes and many of us get them or better back. But this friend I really hated to see chose to loose with meth. I can only pray it leaves enough of her when its done with her.